Here we go again—another CNN clown car crash by the mainstream media, starring none other than CNN’s resident trans news anchor, political prostitute, and leftist hooker extraordinaire, Kaitlin Collins. If The Daily Show and Libs of TikTok hooked up in a back alley, chugged a bottle of MSNBC Kool-Aid, and popped out a smug, trust-fund baby with a “journalism” degree, you’d get Kaitlin—CNN’s most blissfully unaware human. And God bless her empty little head, because without this level of polished, delusional chaos, the corporate press wouldn’t be the laugh riot it is today.
Picture the scene: Secretary of Veterans Affairs Doug Collins (no relation to our leftist hooker, though the media incest runs deep) sits down for what Kaitlin probably thought was gonna be her big Watergate moment. She’s got her claws out, chasing Signalgate like it’s the scoop of the century, ready to serve up some prepackaged narrative BS to keep her political pimp happy. But not today, honey, Doug wasn’t here to play footsie with CNN’s Dylan Mulvaney
—he came to send one across her manly jaw, and it was glorious.
It starts innocently enough. Kaitlin, in her best “working the corner” voice, purrs, “Mr. Secretary, was it irresponsible to have a Signal chat?” Doug, calm as a dad catching his kid sneaking in past curfew, goes, “I wasn’t in it. I trust the people who were. Can we talk about veterans now?” But Kaitlin, bless her delusional soul, can’t let it go. “But but but—don’t you think it’s concerning, even if you weren’t there?” she stammers, fishing for that viral clip. And then—BOOM—Doug flips the table like an Olympic champ: “I answered that. How about you answer something—like why CNN defamed a veteran, lost in court, and had to fork over five million bucks?”
Cue the dead silence. Kaitlin short-circuits like Biden when asked, well anything, lol. You can hear the gears grinding as her lack of media training fails her—nothing but a weak, “I’m asking the questions here.” Oh, you were, “CNN Dylan”, until Doug dunked on you so hard they felt it in the WNBA. This man strolled in to talk veteran healthcare and left with Kaitlin’s scalp dangling from his belt, all while staying cooler than a polar bear’s toenails. Meanwhile, CNN producers are off-camera smashing their oat milk lattes against the wall, screaming, “Abort! Abort!”
The best part? Kaitlin, our trans news anchor turned CNN glory hole, tries to pivot back like nothing happened. “Well, let’s talk about the VA budget…” Girl, no. You just got bodied in 4K. America watched you try to trap a vet official in your petty little scandal, only to get called out for your network’s actual crimes against veterans. Doug wasn’t combative—he was surgical, slicing through her nonsense with a smile, leaving her floundering like a fish on a dock. “Answer my question,” he says. “Is that employee who said ‘we’re gonna nail him’ still on your payroll?” Kaitlin’s got nothing but a limp, “Respectfully, sir…” Respectfully, ma’am, you’re a leftist hooker who just got schooled.
This is mainstream media in 2025—a tone-deaf circus of fake narratives, starring clowns like Kaitlin who are so far up their own asses they can’t smell the hypocrisy. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s a tragicomic masterpiece, a live-action parody so unhinged it’s like every channel’s airing the roast of CNN 24/7. Keep it coming, Kaitlin—you’re doing God’s work, just not the way your smug little brain thinks. Roll the tape, and pass the popcorn—this baby’s a banger.
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